I’m ready for new lenses now in those beautiful, demi-grey Freeways below.

I’m a self-employed guy with a house, three kids and big medical insurance deductible. I wasn’t about to pay a couple of hundred dollars to get my eyes checked with taxes due. That said, I need to make sure my eyes are in tip-top shape. I was at Sam’s Club a couple of weeks ago for a gallon of jalapenos and ten pounds of frozen blueberries when I walked past the optical center.

$50? I could afford that — every two years.

I scheduled an appointment and late last week went in and got it done at the store in Eagan, Minnesota. I was greeted by “Sam” (I swear to God) who started me off in the “room o’ technical goodies”. Seated on a stool I rotated to three different machines as he lined things up and pressed buttons that blew puffs of air into my eyes.

So far, apart from the sound of shoppers pre-spending their 2008 Flat-Panel Tax Rebates, things weren’t too far of a departure from my more traditional trips to the optometrist’s office. He took my glasses to test them, “Oh, Silhouettes!” I assured him they weren’t. I began to tell him my tale, and as he finished his tests, told me I’d gotten a heck of a “good deal on them”.

A few minutes later, the lovely and talented Dr. Heather Tuttle entered the scene and completed the requisite tests in a surprisingly calming room tucked away amid the intense and unwavering consumerism all around us. She provided me with my prescription (only a tiny change) and directed me back to Sam for my PD measurement. She too, was at least casually interested in the idea of online eyeglasses — and the fact that I was interested in keeping my prescription current.

My existing glasses would be fine for at least the next couple of years. Before ringing me up, Sam said, “So I guess I won’t try to sell you any glasses today.” I laughed, paid my bill, thanked him, and grabbed another gallon of jalapenos on the way out.